Feeling like a failure is the dark side of our cultural obsession with the rich, famous and thin.
Who owns the definition of success?
Feeling like a failure can be better than an excessive tendency to compare yourself with others to be regulated. If you are an uncritical belief that value for money can be measured, status or fame for setting up disaster and miss other important areas of human experience. And success storiesDirectors or performers whose personal and spiritual life in a slaughterhouse .. sometimes fatal.
initial definitions of success are often inherited by family and culture
One of the wells before we get is the origin of our standards. Up to a certain age (around nine or ten years), we accept the rules of our culture and our families relatively uncritical. First, as children, our intimate universe largely restricted family, school andDistrict and can draw some structures of competing values or drive us out of them. In adolescence or early adulthood seems to be aware of alternative opportunities to adopt value systems, but not always thinking about it. Indeed, if we are uncertain at all when we go in the world, value systems under unknown mocked and perceived as inferior or at least strange and potentially dangerous. Our tendency to remain, what is familiar, no matter how painful it can beFor us, it is often a trap that we have an electric fence as invisible boundaries. The small spark of fear felt embarrassed when we touched "the shock of the new" is too often that we instinctively recoil ... and respond with a put-down, a joke or a growl ... anything but courageous curiosity and openness.
Steven Hawkins is tied with his mind brilliant success in a wheelchair in the same condition as an Olympic athlete? If a nun successfully under the same conditions asPopstar? If a mother successfully in the same way as a manager?
received values vs. personal values
Question, where are your visions of success.
"Everyone says," or "Everybody Knows" are not really the authorities.
In fact, "all" is just as likely "no."
Talk to real people you admire, what they consider important in life. Read biographies of people whose lives are thought to have happened. It can be verysurprised that they feel part of their best and worst about human life. The athlete is his emotional attachment to the members of his team or his commitment to his faith, and feel deeply proud of the value of volunteering. The famous professor can be very proud of his golf score. Even people who do substantial "worldly success can not be met through other personal regret reached.
Develop your authentic vision of the good life and tries to live it.
"Everybody's" rules mayindeed too vague and general like you for the individual. positive psychology researchers have discovered that there is an almost universal positive evaluation of 24 human attributes. These include: love, curiosity, loyalty, the decision and frankness, love of learning, creativity, appreciation of beauty and goodness, honesty, humor, self-regulation, the 'social intelligence, modesty and humility, joy, wisdom, perspective and a dozen others. It is worth considering whatcould mean a success in these areas of advantage ... Features that are honored and appreciated at any age, social group and of human culture.
Five ways to feel more successful now.
(1) Set reasonable goals. Purpose and motivation work best at medium and achievable targets.
YES! ... First steps towards a solo singing in the church choir or school talent show requires effort and dedication and recognition you get from real people around you.
NO! ... Chasing a fantasy of becoming Spears Britanney when nineteen are a recipe for anxiety and frustration.
(2) Take a broader view of success. Humans positive values suggested above. Write in your plans and desires, and monitor your success and progress in this direction.
(3) Take a view incrementally. Incremental means "small steps". Judge your success, if they are rising on everything.
(4) Choose your role modelsWisely. Focus your desire to emulate the feel of a real person in your access has many advantages.
YES! ... Finding a role model in their communities with access to local facilities and contacts. You can support a real-world advice.
NO! ... The attempt to emulate a multi-millionaire international experts in a field is not a target incremental ... You will be unnecessarily frustrated by your lack of resources and opportunities.
(5) Celebrate your successes incremental.The moment of success is often fleeting and often private. Delicate flavors of real successes can too easily erased by setbacks and obstacles.
So ...
Highlight your accomplishments mentally and emotionally, from interest on them to people.
Write about it in your diary.
Keep as a souvenir gift.
Raise a glass of wine for a solemn toast to talk with a friend.
All these gestures to create memory traces and highlight "memories happened" inYour opinion, therefore, are more prominent and memorable.
Lost your values? Failure to respect the feelings may signal clinical depression. Find Help!
Do you feel helpless? Do you have difficulties, the feeling that nothing is worth?
Despair and emptiness are signs of depression. If your sense of bankruptcy with mild or severe depression is associated, may be wise to seek help. Talk with your doctor to rule out, for medical reasons for depression, seeking counseling to addressemotional problems or relationship to create your mood will be lowered. Solve your depression can be the first step to regain energy and focus to take you to invest in stock and need to move Towards Your Goals.
Amazingly, research psychologist Brett Pelham (1993) suggests that people even more depressed at least a profile of themselves and positive about this aspect of themselves that they feel as safe and successful as any other ... or to hold even moresuccessful than others. Pelham noted that depressed people often focus on these areas positively to exit from periods of depression of the lever.
Attention to "non-human, non-solutions"
People sometimes unsuccessfully trying to treat, "even" with drugs or alcohol. drugs and alcohol to numb the temporary emotional distress and the individual can chemically induced feelings of success, attractiveness or influence to fill ... for a few minutes or hours.This damage is not human "non-solutions" that do nothing but the body and usually emotionally rebound to create even more negative self-views, ie: "I am a failure and I have no willpower."
Other people can try their concern for the success of creating an artificial "show" of material wealth, with money to divert to impress others with shopping endebting alone objects to the status of purchase or gambling, and hunting a large profit ora great opportunity, but risky, especially when the money of their caliber of success.
Non-human, non-solutions ultimately solve more problems than it.
One, two, three ... Stop feeling like a failure.
(1) Start with loyalty to yourself ...
Judge for yourself through a unique combination of significant values personally.
(2) Adoption of a thought that ...
If you are open and curious about your life and experience, there is no such thing as failure,unique opportunity for understanding, development and growth.
(3) avoid falling into that "Everybody Knows", the search for "uncommon wisdom" ...
It often helps to seek support in this area. Talking with a therapist or counselor, or a group of special interest or support the faith, and underscore the attitudes and perspectives that you are trying to maintain or develop .... and help you start feeling like a success ... in the wider, deeper and meaning of human rightsSense.
If you are interested in your personal ranking of universal human values are mentioned, considering the value in action "self-test at: http://www.viasurvey.org
To access the French version, set your browser to French, then go to the Survey Center. The instructions and the VIA-IS appears in French, as the results.
References:
Pelham, B (1983). The very idea of Drucks strongly positive. In R. Baumeister (Ed.)Self Esteem: The Puzzle of Low Self-Regard. New York, Plenum Press. pp.183-199.
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