Feeling like a failure is the dark side of our cultural obsession with the rich, famous and thin.
Who owns the definition of success?
Feeling like a failure can be better than an excessive tendency to compare with others to be reformulated. If you are an uncritical belief that the value is measured with money, status or fame, you are setting up for the misfortune and lost another very important areas of human experience. There are many success storiesDirectors or performers whose personal and spiritual life in a mess .. sometimes fatal.
first definitions of success are often inherited by family and culture
One of the first hole we go is the source of our standards. Up to a certain age (around nine or ten years), you accept the rules of our culture and our families quite critical. First, as children, our inner universe is largely restricted to family, school andDistrict and can be drawn, some of the value or push competitors out of them. consciously to adopt in adolescence or young adulthood possibility of alternative values systems appear, but do not always think about it. In fact, if you ever feel unsafe when we go in the world, may not be familiar scorn value systems, and felt as inferior or at least strange and potentially dangerous. Our tendency to what is familiar, no matter how painful it can beFor us, it is often a trap that limits us as an invisible electric fence. The spark of fear of discomfort you feel when you are "the shock of the new" often moving too much to hold back instinctively ... and respond with a put-down, a joke or a growl ... anything but courageous curiosity and openness.
Steven Hawkins is linked with the success of his brilliant mind in a wheelchair in the same condition of an Olympic athlete? If a nun successfully under the same conditions asPopstar? It is a good mother successfully under the same conditions as a manager?
received values vs. personal values
Wonder where are your visions for success.
"Everybody says so" or "Everybody Knows" are not really the authorities.
In fact, "all" is just as likely that "no one".
Talk to real people that you admire, what they consider important in life. Read biographies of people whose lives are thought to have happened. They can be verysurprised that they feel part of their best and worst about human life. The athlete is his emotional attachment to the members of his team's value, or his commitment to his faith or feel deeply proud of his volunteer work. The eminent professor can be very proud of his golf score. Even people with a great success "secular" has not reached regret even more personal ways adopted.
Develop your authentic vision of the good life and tries to live it.
"Everybody's" Standards canindeed too vague and general as individual to you. positive psychology researchers have found that there is a set of 24 near-universal human characteristics viewed positively. These include: love, curiosity, loyalty, the decision and open-mindedness, love of learning, creativity, appreciation of beauty and excellence, honesty, humor, self-regulation, social cognition, the modesty and humility, joy, wisdom, perspective, and a dozen others. It is worth considering whatcould mean a success in these areas of use ... Features that I am honored and at any age group to appreciate the social and human culture.
Five ways to feel successful is to buy.
(1) Set reasonable goals. Purpose and motivation to work best at medium and achievable targets.
YES! ... Reaching a solo in the church choir or school talent show singing requires effort and commitment and will bring recognition from real people around you.
NO! ... Chasing a fantasy of becoming Britanney Spears by the time you are nineteen is a recipe for heartbreak and frustration.
(2) take a broader view of success. Include the man positive values suggested above. Write in your plans and goals and monitor your progress and success in these terms.
(3) take a view incrementally. Incremental means "small steps". Judge your success if you have progressive-all.
(4) Choose your role modelsWisely. Focus your desire to emulate the environment on a real person in your Internet has many advantages.
YES! ... Finding a role model in their communities with access to local facilities and contacts. You can make a real-world support and advice.
NO! ... The experiment, a multi-millionaire international experts to emulate a field goal in incremental ... It will not be unnecessarily frustrated by your lack of resources and opportunities.
(5) Celebrate your successes incremental.The moment of success is sometimes unstable and often private. Fragile memories of concrete results can be easily erased by setbacks and obstacles.
So ...
Highlight your successes mentally and emotionally for all the people involved in it for you.
Review it in your diary.
Keep a memory like a moment.
Raise a glass of wine in a solemn toast to talk with a friend.
All these actions create memory traces and to highlight "the memoirs success," inIn your opinion, so they are more distinctive and memorable.
Lost your values? Failure to comply can signal feelings of clinical depression. Get help!
Do you feel helpless? Do you have trouble feeling that something is worth?
Despair and emptiness are signs of depression. If your sense of failure with mild or severe depression is associated, it may be wise to seek help. Talk to your doctor to rule, for medical reasons require information to address the depressionemotional or relationship problems, the creation of your mood down. Solve your depression, the first step toward regaining the energy and focus that invests in equity and the need to move towards your goals.
Surprisingly, the research psychologist Brett Pelham (1993) suggests that depressed people up to at least maintain a positive self-image and view on this aspect of themselves that feel just as confident and successful as all the others ... or moresuccessful than others. Pelham found that depressed people often focus on these positive areas in order to manage periods of depression.
Beware of "non-human, non-solutions"
People who can not successfully "self-medication" with drugs or alcohol sometimes try to feel. Alcohol and drugs temporarily anesthetize the emotional distress and the individual can with chemically induced feelings of success, attractiveness or influence to fill ... for a few minutes or hours.These are non-human "non-solutions" that do nothing but damage the body and usually also to create emotionally rebound still is below negative self-views: "I'm a loser And I have no willpower."
Other people may groped to deflect their concerns about the success of creating an artificial "show" of material wealth, with money to influence others, to acquire the shopping endebting alone the status of objects or gambling and hunting a large profit ora large business opportunities, but risky, especially if the money his measure of success.
Non-human, non-solutions ultimately solve more problems than it.
One, two, three ... Stop feeling like a failure.
(1) Start with the true to yourself ...
Judge for yourself through a unique combination of important personal values.
(2) Adoption of a thought that ...
If you are open and curious about your life and experience, there is no such thing as failure,opportunities only for understanding the development and growth.
(3) Do not fall victim to what "Everybody Knows" looking for "unusual wisdom" ...
Often helps to ask for support in this area. Talk to a therapist or counselor, or joining a particular interest or a support group faith, and to emphasize the attitudes and perspectives that you are trying to maintain or develop .... and help you begin to feel like a success ... in the broadest, deepest and most significant humanSense.
When we talk about your personal rating of universal human values, consider the values involved in action in self-test: http://www.viasurvey.org
To access the French version, please set your browser to French, then go to the Survey Center. The instructions and the VIA-IS will be available in French, as the results.
References:
Pelham, B (1983). depressed at the thought of very high positive. In R. Baumeister (Ed.)Self Esteem: The puzzle of low self-esteem. New York, Plenum Press. pp.183-199.
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